The Bachelor – Episode 8 Recap
Just when we thought Peter was ready to grab Madison’s double-dribbling hand, hop a plane and leave all this messy rose ceremony nonsense behind, our Girl Next Door had to go and have “the talk.” Or… some half-baked version of it.

Actually, what did Madison say in that conversation outside the hangar? That she didn’t like sex? That the Bible doesn’t believe in procreation? That her closet wasn’t tapped of sporty, pageant-style jumpers to modestly Vanna White her carnal treasure?

What we do know is, she sank an empowered redemption shot from half-court when she used her date to explain that, in the words of Hunter, her cookie was not to be sampled. And while she wasn’t issuing ultimatums, Peter was a floozy if he’d slept with the other women. What’s that – he did? We need a minute for the shock to set in.

That’s right. Apparently, a Daisy Dukes-clad Hannah Ann and Victoria F., respectively, took advantage of their own “off-camera, get-to-know-you time” with Peter to, well, get to know Peter’s… Peter. A date on which, in the words of Victoria F., she and Big Pete miraculously “didn’t fight.” It did, of course, devolve into unanswered questions, face covering and the threat of tears, but no behavior Peter wasn’t eager to reward with Chris Harrison’s thoughtful Fantasy Suite card. (Chris, you dog, you.)

So, what exactly is happening here? Far as we can tell, the whole episode took on the character-switching shenanigans of the late 90s sci-fi thriller Face/Off: Hannah Ann became Madison. Madison became Victoria F. And Victoria F. became a version of herself that can sit through the end of something closely resembling a conversation without being chased down a hallway.

As for Hunter, Cush and Kerry, they’ve got opinions. And a presidential candidate to mock. So, let’s get down to it.

“Love, Suite Love“

Due to no eliminations this week, the accuracy ratings remain unchanged:

And therefore, neither do our predictions for next week: