The Bachelor – Finale Recap
The Harrison doesn’t lie. This outcome was unlike any other in Bachelor history. In the way that Chernobyl was unlike any other nuclear reactor in history. So too, were the players on its stage, who kept our interest by pulling complete character 180s one by one right up to the end.

The true identities of this season’s female contestants have been jumping out of the shadows and startling us ever since the first drop of champagne hit the floor. And that first meltdown set off a chain of events: The good girl (Victoria P.) became evil. The crazy girl (Victoria F.) became rational. Kelsey became… sober. The funny girl (Tammy) became a bully, then a giant shard of broken glass.

So, we really should have seen it coming by the finale, when the girl next door (Madison) suddenly became the most hated woman in America. And the girl who could only communicate her feelings by passing heart-covered pink notes in gym class (Hannah Ann) became devastatingly eloquent. And Peter became a sniveling… no wait. Peter was constant.

We just learned there’s a reason why he spent 9 out of 10 episodes seeking out and kowtowing to the only vindictive women in the house. The #barbcam at the After the Final Rose showed us a man (boy) born of a sensitive (insane) matriarch (dictator) who cares for (manipulates) her children through over-the-top shows of emotion and support (undermining with Spanish utterances) on national television.

And that, in itself, was a turnaround: Barb the Mom You Never Had suddenly became Barb the Potential Mother in Law You Will Literally Risk a Coronavirus Quarantine in a Third World Country to Escape.

So, you got us again, Chris. We really didn’t see this one coming. Kind of like how Hunter, Cush and Kerry really didn’t see Hunter getting bombed on dry Italian wine, having an informed discussion about Russian literature, posting an Insta of “the Worm Moon” (aka: a street lamp), Ubering home, calling Cush at 12:20am and having no recollection of any of it the next day.

But that’s what you get when you tune in to Hunter & Cush Take on the World: the most dramatic podcast episode ever.